No Electricity. Perspective.

My dad, who has been gone for ten years now, and I seem to miss more and more, would call me whenever there was a storm coming.

“Christine, there is a storm coming, and I am afraid we are going to lose power.”

“Dad, you say this every time there is a storm coming. Why don’t we get you a generator? Do you want me to work on it?”

“No, but when it goes out, it’s very difficult. Cold….” and he would drone on, his pitch getting more anxious and louder with every word.

And so it went, and with each additional call, my irritation grew in direct correlation to his anxiety. He never did get a generator. And his stress level whenever bad weather was approaching was code red.

I live in Maine now. In the last three weeks, we have lost electricity three times, this last time for four days. My stress level? Code red.

“Wait,” I hear you ask. “Why don’t you get a generator?”

I do have a generator. What if it doesn’t start? What if my caretaker doesn’t come over and start it? When my ‘save the day’ neighbor comes over twice a day to fill up the tank, what if it doesn’t ‘restart’ after he fills it? What if it runs out of gas before he comes over?

Look, I’m evolving. I really am. I no longer respond by reacting the way I used to. I have Victor Frankl’s “between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom,” tattooed in my soul. I really do.

I read recently that most of what we worry about doesn’t happen. And these last few days prove the point. I haven’t run out of fuel. Not once. The generator restarts every time. I have had no real stress around this latest loss of power. I think about how my dad called me for empathy and got irritation. I think about how lucky I am to have a generator, to be able to afford to run a generator. To have neighbors who take such good care of me.

When I was texting my daughter, the fabulous Sarah, and my sister, the person I speak to daily about all things good and bad, Sarah texted back, “Mom, you need to leave Maine.”

I love Maine. I have no desire or intention to leave. What I need to do is not complain or even worry about it. I am not in danger when the electricity goes out. The men who are fixing the down lines; they are the ones who should be stressing.

Lesson learned.