My Addict Friend. Easy Pay, QVC.
I have someone who I am very close to who sent me a video which went through five pages of her Easy Pay purchases on QVC. Here is our correspondence around it. Who said texting is a waste of time?
Christine: You need to seek professional help. Do you need my help getting it? I’m really worried about you. When I first listened to you describe it, I thought it was easy pass from you car. And I thought to myself, she doesn’t drive to the city? What the fuck is this? And, then I figured it out.
Jessica: I don’t drive to the city ………i have a serious QVC (Shopping network) problem
i need professional help and that does not include the HSN (Home Shopping Network) addiction.
Christine: Yes you do. But I can’t see what it was that you bought?
Jessica: lots of things – jewelry, shoes, make up, cleanser.
Christine: Wait I just screenshot the stuff and enlarged it. It’s all make up? What’s that about?
Jessica: When I get a text that they have a four hour period where everything on their website is on 5 easy payments for four hours – I literally have left parties and movies to make it home on time to do it no lots of jewelry
Christine: Do you wear jewelry?
Jessica: yes .. even fruit ! And speaking of fruit, also I am still paying off my January Honeywell oranges. you can only get Honeywell in the month of January across the world and they are the best fruit in history …….so i got two orders this year however i was not pleased with the second order as it was very bruised fruit so they gave me a full credit ! Yeah!
Christine: How much were they?
Jessica: but they are expensive so i got five easy payments of like 15 bucks and had Honeywells for six weeks each order maybe 40 bucks … can’t remember
Christine: How many oranges are in an order?
Jessica: 12 maybe – if i am ever executed my last meal would be Honeywell’s so i would hope i was executed in January so it could be my last meal.
Christine: Maybe you could start an QVCA (QVC Anonymous) group and help others who are suffering the way you are? It’s always best to serve others to mend your own fall-abilities. Is that a word? Do they sell Xanax on EZPay? I have a flight the week after next and I’m out.
Jessica: i will send you honeybees next January – i am not a huge fruit person but i swear it is the best thing you will ever taste – nothing sweeter and juicer – cross between a tangerine and a grapefruit (and i hate grapefruit) ……..
Christine: I’m not as interested in the honeybees as I am the Xanax???
Our friend Debbie who was also on the text feed: i’m so concerned about both of you
Christine: You don’t have time to be concerned about us. You have to save the country. Keep your focus. (She works for a not for profit.)
Jessica: Saving the country is a tall order given what a shit show it is – but ok.
Christine: Jessica, you did not respond to my great idea about starting a QVC anonymous club. Maybe you can meet a man. Kindred spirit.
Jessica: somehow i don’t think i would want to date a man who had a qvc shopping problem
Christine: Oh it’s good enough for you but not him? That’s a new one.
Jessica: Honestly i would be happy to date anyway as long as they have a pulse so i take that back – pickings are slim
Christine: I could start a website for you and we could set up your social media. You could be the QVC person That helps people change their life. Or maybe you could become a QVC addiction counselor having cured it in yourself
Jessica: I don’t think i can ever stop ………seriously.
Christine: But I suppose that means you’d have to stop buying first. Can you commit to that?
I LOVE EASY PAY
Jessica: no i can’t stop
Christine: How about you say you will try. It doesn’t piss you off that you’re still paying for oranges that have long since hit the garbage.???
Jessica: no i can’t ……….maybe by the time i die they will have caskets – if they do you have to buy mine on easy pay
Christine: I am not buying a casket for you on QVC. Have you lost your mind?
Jessica: i just can’t explain the love affair i have with honeybees and easy pay QVC. It’s my life.
Jessica: they don’t sell them on QVC but they should i should suggest that next time i call in live to the show
Christine: Tell me you have not called into the live show.
Jessica: at-least once a week
Christine: To say what!? Jesus this is out of control!
Jessica: to give my opinion on a product
Christine: You cannot be serious. Have they ever put you on the air?!?
Jessica: I am on the air at least twice a month most recently for josie moran last week. i am a big josie maran fan
Christine: Who is Josie Moran? Margan?
Jessica: She was a supermodel who started the first argan oil line. her stuff is incredible –
Christine: What is Aegean Oil? And what pray tell can possibly be of interest for you to say about it?
Jessica: she makes lipsticks with argan oil that make your lips so soft it’s amazing
Christine: I can’t do this anymore I’m going to sleep. But first I’m gonna pray for your fucking soul.
Jessica: omg argan oil is an oil that is in hair stuff, soaps, body creams
Christine: I am sorry for your pain. I am grateful that you shared it with me. Telling people is the first step to successfully beating it
Maybe you should cancel your cable.
Jessica: i will bring my cream next time so you can try it – it’s life altering your skin will be SO soft next time i am on air at qvc i will text you so you can listen
Christine: Please don’t bring it. I don’t want anything to do with any of this.
Jessica: oh wait i forgot you don’t have tv
Christine: I have a TV but I am not watching you
Jessica: i am very charming on air
Christine: I’m sure you are. I’m going to sleep now I love you.
Jessica: love you too
I ask you all to pray for Jessica (I changed her name; she has a high-powered job, can you imagine?) Pray for her. I’ve very worried.
Ok I was slightly addicted to this "conversation" like a train wreck. I don't understand the whole QVC/HSN thing, they're like infomercials at 7am on a Sunday - which I'm happy to say I avoid like the plague. I never liked the sales pressure hype, "if you buy in the next xx minutes you'll get the bonus...". I do get roped into some of these on FB and IG which I desperately try to pull myself away from. Now I did just read this morning, in some other article, that I found while doing my morning scroll, that QVC-type of buying is a Baby Boomer thing just like hemmed jorts (jean shorts). Apparently only Baby Boomers wear hemmed jean shorts while the hip crowd has cutoffs. Ok got to run and remove my hemmed jorts from my wardrobe before I'm leered at in public. I'm a baby boomer cusp-er. Thank you for the fun read Christine!
That is absolutely hysterical, Christine. And I did read the entire thing. And...I understand your friend and can help her. I have never shopped on QVC or HSN but as you probably know I had a fairly serious perfume addiction which I have kicked. Mostly. I could be her sponsor. And, I swear there is a thing called SA (Shoppers Anonymous). Has to be. Nope. It's called Spenders Anonymous: http://www.spenders.org/abstinence.html